A foggy reflection | One month

As I had stated in a previous post I have decided to update you all on the progress of my latest quit smoking attempt, I feel that the words below describe roughly how I feel and how it is going.

Three weeks as of today, three weeks without needing to put one of those things in my mouth at least once an hour to get through the day. Also bare in mind that this coming monday is my exact one month anniversary since I had my last smoke.

Four weeks since I have had to stick one of those things in my mouth to get up in the morning, four weeks since I have needed one to deal with others, four weeks to break a self torture ritual that has had me trapped and feeling unable to face the world for all of these many years.

Its a wonderful feeling to finally feel free, to feel as though I have finally beaten this after all of my many attempts. Please dont feel as if I am taking this all in my stride and acting cocky, I realise that there is still a chance that if I do not take this seriously there is a real risk that I could reoffend. Should that be the case however then it would be my choice to do so and a poor choice at that as I see no other reason that I could restart such an awful habit other then sheer stupidity.

I find myself now attempting to justify or even understand the time, money and effort that I had spent on my former hobby. During a visit to a friend who is a smoker I noticed a ciggerate that he had placed on the ground. I picked up and held this ciggerate as he worked and sniffed the smoke deep into my nostrils in an effort to find out why this item should appeal to me, I twirled it in my fingers to see if its shape still held a familiar feeling for me, alas I was unable to feel anything from either action to explain all the wasted years spend consuming the toxins contained within the small yet powerful object that I currently held within my hands.

It is still hard to believe that it has been almost a month since I made the decision to throw away the habit, it is even harder to believe that I am here after four weeks and my world has not come to an end. The nicotine had somehow always convinced me that I would be unable to live without it.

I was convinced that I would be unable to enjoy meals, social situations or even the company of good friends again. Nothing however could be further from the truth and would at this point also like to point out the fact that I have met a girl who is very special to me and means much more to me then smoking ever could or should of in the first place.

I would even suggest that it is with her support I was able to fight off those first few days of darkness when the urges were at their worst and for this I thank her.

To any smoker who questions their ability to quit this controlling substance, to any smoker that listens to that dark voice at the back of the head who constantly taunts you with failure and fear free yourself from the control of it and take a chance to fight back and free yourself from its horrible restraints. It is not helping your confidence, its not helping you concentrate, its not giving you strength or stress relief and is in fact causing you to simply become more stressed and less confident overtime ensuring that you remain addicted so that you can continue to “destress” with its assistance.

Meh

/rant