I have been trawling youtube recently watching older Nintendo of Japan advertisements from years gone by and was preparing a post in regards to which ones I had found which I found to be the most odd when gamesradar did a write up of purely Japanese commercials from all the major players which can be found here:

http://www.gamesradar.com/f/the-evolution-of-japanese-game-commercials/a-20090903104029668011#20090903104029668011

While not a bad article I think I can safely state that the commercials below come in as being far more bizzare and clearly could only originate from the Japanese.

Starting off at number Five:

Donkey Kong Country 2 – Diddy’s Kong Quest

Released in Australia in 1995 to critical acclaim on the SNES it was the follow up to the hit title Donkey Kong Country. In order to promote the release of the game the following advertisement was run in Japan and I truly cant believe the amount of awesome displayed by this video. SOUP A DAWNKEY KAWWNNNNG TOOOOOOO:

Number four:

Donkey Kong Country: GBA

Another entry from the Donkey Kong Country series this time from the re-release for Nintendo’s GameBoy Advance released in 2003. This one is just plain bizarre and features acts that one should not try at home with another species:

Number 3:

The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

Produced for the release of the GameBoy title in 1993. It contains a group of puppets which are characters from the game who sing and dance on an island. If you speak Japanese it probably makes sense however it contains very little game footage so what to expect from the game going by the add itself would be difficult but I could only assume it involves the worlds scariest puppets.

Number Two:

Mario Kart DS

This is my personal favorite of the lot to be honest. Its overly bizarre and has strong homosexual overtones which I am sure was NOT the intended point of the ad from Nintendo’s point of view. First of all it contains some odd ideas of what Japan seems to think of the worlds cultures, some rather stereotypical views if you would but its funny as all hell. I’m pretty sure its the same actor in all four and features them playing in a multi player game and ganging up on the Luigi character.

Number 1:

Legend of Zelda: A link to the past

Nintendo? Check. Zelda? Check. Theatrical Dancing? Check. Attitude? Check. Rap? Check. Wait whats that you ask? Rap? Yes its true I don’t know why but Nintendo of Japan thought it was a great idea to announce the release of the title with a rap promoting its release and its relaxing qualities.

Led by link the main charachter the troupe performs a rap about the title with such glorious quotes as:

This adventure is GORGEOUS!

You will have to watch the rest of the video to get the full affect but I can state that it has to be one of the best adverts I have ever seen for a game and you cant blame them for trying to reach the young on their own level eh?

[Setting the scene]

It’s 3am in the morning, you sit in the basement of your mothers house and stare with the fury of a thousand angry fire ants at the screen of your PC as you heat up another burrito in the microwave oven that you keep on a box in the corner of the room. The night has been long and dark, in fact you feel as if you have been awake for days, the battle taking place on your screen has taken a heavy toll on your body.

You take a quick glance at your burrito, it appears to of finished warming. You remove it from the microwave and attempt not to slam it down in one go, hell dominoes Pizza does not open for at least another four hours and you must conserve energy for the coming battle less you pass out due to lack of greasy invaluable nourishment.

You place the burrito down on the table and turn your attention back to the screen, panting as you do from having walked the two metres back to your desk. You can see that the battle on your screen is being lost, your men tired and fatigued from battle. In a last ditch effort to rally your men against the opposing army you raise your hefty man arms high above the keyboard and bring them down like the thunderous hammers of Thor himself and proceed to commence your attack:

“OMG FAGG0TS U GUYZ IS SO FUCKING GAY. EVERON KNOZ THAT PLAYSTATYIN IS THE BEST NUBS!!11ononE XBOX IS GAY AND WEE IS 4 K!dz!”

You lean back in your chair, your thunderous weight shaking the very foundations of the house itself. You wipe the sweat from your brow and smile as you place the last of the burrito into the gaping hole in the middle of your face. You rest easy knowing that for now at least, the battle is at an end.

[Scene Ends]

The above scene while perhaps over generalised is the impression that I am given everytime I read a forum or blog article referencing any of the current generation consoles or even in some cases PC gaming.

The current generation of consoles has divided people in ways which I have not previously seen during such a console war. I wonder if this is simply because of the age and demographic of each console owner or is it simply the fact that more people then ever before have access to the internet to allow the rampant shit that they spill to be heard by the many. These people often result to insults, anger and threats of violence to get their point across and to bash yours should you not have the same opinion when it comes to the right “Choice” of console.

The arguments presented are often ill thought out and some even border on the downright hilarious! It is with the above in mind that I have decided to sink down to their level and finally weigh in on this hotly debated topic for the amusement of you and others.

First off the bat I think that we will take a look at the following argument:

1. “I bought a xbox360 cause im a hardcore gamer and I need hardcore games so I can be like you know hardcore”

This has be the funniest of the so called arguments for buying one console over another. Whenever this argument is presented I proceed to expel whatever liquid I should be drinking at the time over my keyboard like some crazed pervert with a fetish for the nets darker side.

What exactly makes a hardcore gamer you might wonder? And what makes them hardcore exactly?

While actual photos are hard to come by given the low chance of these people ever leaving their basement to join the living, limited snaps have been taken. The following is an image presenting the average hardcore gamer in their natural habitat:

If these “Hardcore” gamers are to believed they bench 300+ the gym, sleep with thousands of women, eat nought but steel and are thunderous men of wonder. Woman swoon at their feet in anticipation of what game these Hardcore fellows will load up next on thier xboxes.

On a more serious note what the hell is hardcore about gaming in the first place regardless of what you are playing? Does choosing Gears of war over say something like that Katamari or Super Smash Brothers really make you harder and more awesome then the average man? Who exactly makes this distinction? What do they get for being so hardcore? Is there some sort of awards ceremony where we give these people the key to the city for being just so awesome? These people present playing an FPS as the ticket to bitches and good times when in reality it does not make their choice of activity any more appealing to the general public then the ability to rattle off a listing and history of every season of Star Trek.

The very arrogance of these people striking off countless genres and game series which helped to build this industry is amusing enough but to actually claim that the very fact they do so is what makes them so awesome in the first place is a little hard to swallow. I feel sorry for these sort of people due to the amount of great games that they miss out on as they refuse to drop the jelly donut and their copy of Halo and perhaps try something that has a little more variety to it rather then shoot, jump and strafe.

2. The xbox and wii are both failures because I am an awesome sony guy and I have Blu Ray and all this other awesome home media shit so suck it. You have to buy all these add on for your xbox before shit even comes close to touching me! eat it!

This is the other argument that you will primarily see during the current generation. This argument is normally put forward by owners of the PlayStation3. The crux of their argument is that the higher price of the PS3 is warranted because in order to get the same experience from the cheaper xbox you must actually add extra items to the xbox which come at a hefty price.

The point that these people always seem to miss is that you dont NEED the the extra purchases for your xbox to actually you know, play games. Out of the box both the PS3 and xbox can both do what they are primarily intended to do. You can however if you wish add on to the core xbox however it is not needed to simply play games, you know the point of these things in the first place. Despite what these people would like to believe the Add Ons are NOT required to enjoy the system.

I actually like the choice rather then being forced to pay the premium for something that I may or may not ever actually use in the first place.

The point above brings to mind however an issue that has confused me in regards to the current arguements about both the xbox and the PS3. Througout the years I have been primarily a PC gamer and during the last few generations of consoles my primary point in defence of my PC being my primary gaming machine was always that it could do other things rather then just gaming which made me feel that the cost of maintaining and keeping a gaming PC was justified. This was always heavily refuted to me by the console people who would inform me that they dont care about the ability to watch movies, go on the net, check mail, play music or anything else. They just wanted to game and consoles gave them awesome graphics for a very low cost and they could see no reason to choose a PC over a console.

Why the hell now then is the primary argument for the high cost of the PS3 and to a lesser extent the xbox the fact that they can do many other things apart from just gaming? I mean hello welcome to the last ten years of PC gaming I am glad to see that you guys have caught up. You are acting as if somehow online play and downloadable content was created by Microsoft and Sony. It’s rather funny to watch as those who paid the PS3 premium justify their purchase by spouting technology that the rest of us have had free access to for years.

The primary reason I can see for the current sales figures between the xbox and the PS3 is the simple fact that while the vendors themselves may of decided to target a different market with their consoles the actual market for these devices has remained the same as it did two, five or even ten years ago. People just want to play games, thats it. They want to spend as little as possible, configure it with a minimum of fuss and just start playing. You know, the whole reason these people did not simply buy a PC in the first place.

If you are in the market for a console to play games and just too play games you are not going to choose the console which is vastly more expensive compared to the other just because it includes a specific media format over the other, I am sorry but it just does not happen. If you are in the market for both sure but I just really dont see it swaying the average console purchase especially in the current economic conditions.

This rant has gone on way to long and I have drifted far off track because I am too tired to continue. Let me just point out before I go that you may feel free to flame me as should you feel the need to do so because you take offense at my article.

This article is opinion and should be taken as such, I am not going to tell you which console you should or should not buy and nor do I care.